Connection . . . or Idealized Togetherness?

Relationship Design

What’s one of the biggest obstacles to experiencing intimacy in your marriage? More often than not, the answer is unrealistic togetherness expectations, i.e., idealized or fantasy togetherness. I can hear the objections coming on loud and clear! Think through...

Focus On The How

Relationship Design

What is it that creates the intensity in certain conversations with your spouse? What moves a conversation between two people from the issue at hand into personal meltdown – emotional reactivity? Emotional reactivity turns out to be nature’s way of...

Keeping Your Cool

Relationship Design

I know you’ve been there before, you’re in the midst of an intense discussion with your spouse and it moves beyond a conversation about the issue at hand and gets personal. A button has been pushed, or you pushed their button and now it heats up even more....

Me vs We

Relationship Design

You walk in the door and are greeted with… “Honey, we need to talk about a few things.” If you’re human, your insides immediately tighten and your defenses prepare for battle. It’s a common occurrence. Your spouse tells you what’s going on with them and you react. The...

Relationships Are Easy

Relationship Design

Relationships are actually pretty easy. I didn’t always believe this. In fact, I used to believe relationships are hard work. I’ve written these very words many times. You’ve probably even heard this phrase before. It is often stated as a Truism in...

A Better Framework

Course, Relationship Design

This is a common email I receive. A wife asked for help. She felt stuck in her marriage and wanted me to give her advice. While I do work with individuals in a counseling and coaching relationship, I was curious in the way she was wording her email so I asked her to...