As I listened to an online radio station playing through my computer on a Saturday morning, an oldie but goodie came on. Escape (The Piña Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes blasted in the air.
This tune is one people either love or hate. Usually I indulge in it or even dance to it. I don’t despise it. I have heard the song more times than I could count. On this particular day though, I really listened to the words. The lyrics theme caused me to reflect on marital relationships.
The words go like this:
I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read
Yes, I realize the song is so old that young couples today may not relate to reading a printed newspaper. The only personal ads we speak of today are online.
Let us continue though…
“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, write to me, and escape”
I didn’t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I’m nobody’s poet, I thought it wasn’t half bad
“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we’ll plan our escape”
Some may find the words offensive or ridiculous in the tune. One-half of this couple is answering a personal ad to go spend time with someone else. Why would we listen to that?
This is often a reality that rings true at some point in any relationship, but especially in a long-term marriage. Spouses fall into a routine. Things may become stagnant. One or both partners may want more adventure, more excitement. The mind drifts and a person may look to alternatives. A thought may pop into the wife or husband’s head about the possibility of someone else. Would another partner may be better than the one we are with currently?
Let us go back to remaining song lyrics…
So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it’s you”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”
“That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
You’re the love that I’ve looked for, come with me, and escape”
“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, come with me, and escape”
In the song’s case, both individuals in the relationship were looking for more thrills. Each was turning outward instead of looking inward or at each other. They clearly were not communicating their desires and needs. As the lyric said, “I never knew.” Luckily they both laughed at their situation. They realized what they wanted was right in front of them. They simply needed to open up their eyes more clearly and communicate those longings.
Isn’t that true for many of us as well?
We have our life partner, our true love, right there next to us?
Perhaps life becomes active and hectic and we just stop fully appreciating him or her?
Why not escape into marriage deeper instead of trying to run from it?
When I notice my relationship with my husband seem more tense or stressful, I put in more effort. I ask him what I can do to help. We talk openly.
Lately I have made more efforts to plan entertainment and closeness for us. I’ve arranged for more social outings with friends, day dates from work, spontaneous intimacy at home, and a real retreat into the mountains.
We are not sky-divers or big risk-takers so these simple options are fulfilling. In fact trying out a new sushi restaurant recently was an adventure for us.
What can you to do make your marriage more like a vacation every so often?
Make a list with your spouse.
Communicate the things that you want to do and any cravings that are missing from your lives.
Plan that escape.
Schedule that journey but take it together, not separate or with someone new.
Not every day can be a holiday or honeymoon. However, you can build time into making your relationship stronger, cherished and more exciting too. And if you like Piña Coladas, be sure those are sitting next to you while on your escape.
