How to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationship

Relationship Design

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Rachael Pace of
Marriage is one of the most satisfying and rewarding accomplishments in life.
It’s the promise of spending every day with your best friend, being intimate with someone you’re wildly passionate about, and having little adventures together every day. But those who have been basking in a happy married life for some time now, may have moments when the fiery spark they once felt now seems more like a matchstick flame.
If you’re feeling this way about your spouse, don’t fret. It is common to experience periods of boredom when you’ve been with the same partner for many years. It will soon pass and you’ll be back to experiencing wedded bliss with your spouse.
In the meantime, here are 6 tips for how to get that spark back in your relationship.
1. Do Something Fun
Your marital friendship is just as important as your romantic one. Research shows that couples are more likely to emphasize the importance of emotional intimacy and friendship the older they get. This is because, for many elderly ones sex becomes less important.
For some, this may be a scary thought, but it still highlights the importance of maintaining a marital friendship with your spouse while you’re still young.
Studies show that shared activities promote marital satisfaction. Look for ways to have more fun together, such as learning something like an instrument, dance, or language. Alternatively, you can also do something new as a couple like join a gym or going on a bar crawl.
Any activity you would normally do with a friend at your side will be perfect for doing with your spouse.
Not only will this reignite the fun and exciting parts of your personalities, but it will also strengthen your marital bond.
2. Make a Plan for Sex
This may not sound like the most romantic thing in the world, but between work, taking care of the house, the kids, and getting some shut-eye, many couples forgo sex throughout the week.
Many find it beneficial to plan a “sex night” where both you and your spouse know there will be fireworks happening. Don’t let this be run-of-the-mill routine sex. Instead, use this intimate date night as an opportunity to explore new fantasies.
Look for ways to make the evening exciting for your spouse.
The oxytocin hormone released during sex is largely responsible for an increase in trust between spouses. It also strengthens monogamy, boosts emotional intimacy, and makes couples feel more lovey-dovey toward one another.
Talk about a win/win/win!
3. Focus on Self-Care
When you first met your spouse, you couldn’t wait to see them for your next day.
After getting home from work, you likely showered, shaved, dressed up, and spritzed on some cologne.
Or if you’re a lady, it’s likely that you curled your hair, did your makeup, and dressed in something that you felt fantastic in before meeting for your date.
But as time went by and you got used to living together, these special forms of self-care seemed to go out the window. Now, all it takes are pajamas and Netflix to complete your Friday night.
There are wonderful benefits to being close enough to your spouse that you can lounge around in sweatpants together, but if you want to reignite the passion in your happy married life, we suggest paying closer attention to your self-care.
Exercise regularly, not only is this great for your health, but it’s good for your self-esteem, too. The more confident you feel, the sexier you appear to your spouse.
Shower regularly, do your hair and dress up for your spouse. We guarantee they will love it.
4. See Your Partner with New Eyes
Being with the same partner for many years can numb the attraction you felt toward your spouse when you first met. It isn’t that you don’t find them attractive anymore, but you’ve simply grown used to being around them.
One great way to see your spouse with new eyes is to have a “First Date” with them. For example, make reservations for a fantastic dinner at your favorite restaurant. Dress up and have your husband pick you up at the front door as if you were strangers.
Pretend you have never met and that this is your first date. This is a fun and sexy way of getting to know each other all over again and reigniting the passion that led to your happy married life so many years ago.
5. Hold Hands More Often
Sex is important for any relationship, especially if you’re trying to get that spark back, but there are many forms of physical intimacy that are equally as beneficial.
Studies show that the release of oxytocin caused by kissing, hugging, holding hands, or massaging/caressing one another promotes bonding, relieves stress, improves cardiovascular health, elevates your mood, and is overall strongly related to partner satisfaction.
Foreplay and cuddling can also do wonders for bringing you and your spouse closer together and strengthening your marriage.
6. Spend More Time Together
One way you can reignite the passion in your happy married life is by spending more quality time together.
There are endless benefits to having a regular date night. Studies done by the National Marriage Project reveal that couples who had a regular date night of one or more times a month showed higher levels of passion and excitement in their relationship.
Couples who have a regular date night also experience a rush of romantic love, a boost in sexual satisfaction and anticipation, and are less likely to get divorced!
A happy married life doesn’t happen overnight.
It takes time, effort, and love to make a relationship successful. Practice healthy communication and focus on physical touch. This will bring you and your spouse closer together. Making time for physical intimacy and focusing on self-care can also help reignite the passion in your marriage.
Author Bio: Rachael Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. She is a featured writer for, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.