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On the Regular Version …
I’m joined my Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill as we walk through their marriage tool for deeper connection and conversation.
You can learn more about the Connection Codes and pick up the 4 Minute Tool here – https://connectioncodes.co/passionatelymarried
On the Xtended Version …
Pam and I discuss our take on the Connection Codes tool. Is it good for everyone? Are there things to look out for if you use it?
Enjoy the show!
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Corey Allan (00:01.641)
It's a pleasure to welcome Dr. Glynn and his wife, Phyllis, to the show. So thank you guys for joining us.
dr glenn hill (00:10.45)
Absolutely. Thank you, Corey, for having us. Love this kind of work.
Corey Allan (00:14.729)
And so you got, from what I've learned of your work, you guys, I like the idea of the concept of the connection codes. And so let's jump into what is that really?
dr glenn hill (00:32.502)
The connection codes are the science-based, very research-backed, just the human condition, the human experience of how to connect deeply in relationship as the guide, the language, the tools, which are actually coded for, that's why it's called the connection codes, because we are designed for that from birth. We're faith-based. We believe God designed it, but even if there is no God, it's all evolutionary. It's still the human condition. So we are born seeking connection. We are born seeking.
hardwired set up to be able to connect with people. Somewhere along the way for most of us, we get really knocked off course. And we, as babies, we present authentically, we present vulnerably, and then we get knocked off course, we end up reprogrammed, but we never end up recoded. We don't get recoded ever. And so we're just trying to get people back to their original coding to reactivate this for them. And it's remarkable.
Corey Allan (01:06.153)
dr glenn hill (01:28.226)
how well it works whenever people are actually able to implement the tools. And that's the problem is that people haven't had the right tools. They don't need better intentions. And now we missed with each other for decades, literally just our marriage was, you know, just the first 10 years was brutal. Uh, and it took us a long time. We were the slow kids in the group. Uh, but as we started learning these tools,
Again, we didn't need better intentions. That's what we always heard from marriage seminars, marriage books. Well, you need better intentions and you need more effort. You need to try harder. And we were like, we're trying our hardest, we're exhausted. And we didn't marry just as a joke. We married because we intended to be connected and we got lost very early. And now we marvel, we're mesmerized by the power of this because we remember the pain. We remember living in disconnection and pain continuously.
Corey Allan (01:54.449)
Corey Allan (02:02.25)
Corey Allan (02:15.537)
dr glenn hill (02:18.462)
And now we're raising our eyebrows continuously like, dang, this is actually real. This is happening. Uh, it's just amazing. Lows our minds. So much of this grew out of, you know, our story and, and we've been married 41 years and as Glen already said, you know, the first 10 were brutal, but we didn't ever dream they would be like we went into our marriage, having that list of that checklist, we did everything that we thought was right and
you know, had the stability of great jobs and all the things and, you know, just a deep foundation in faith and our love for God and each other. So it was like we were shocked when things did not go well right away. And it kind of even from our honeymoon, it grew out of just pain that happened in our honeymoon. And so we were, though, committed to marriage. And so we didn't just walk away.
Corey Allan (03:02.598)
dr glenn hill (03:16.142)
place of curiosity. Like, is this really what God intended for marriage? And just led us down the road of tons of questions and research. Glenn's the researcher. I just am like, give me the Cliff Notes. I'm that person, you know? But it's been this lifetime of searching for how people disconnect, which if you turn it around, then it's how people connect.
And that has been where our tools have grown out of all of that over the years.
Corey Allan (03:46.661)
So what are some of the main ways this happens then? I mean, cause you're talking about it's not a recoding, but it's a conditioning based on experiences because it makes sense, right? When we're newborn and growing up, we go after things because it's just innate, right? You know.
dr glenn hill (04:03.41)
Yeah. Well, that's part of the power of the connection codes is it's already inside of you, which is beautiful. Uh, there's so many programs that are introducing new ideas, new concepts are based on a theory of philosophy. A neat idea. Somebody came up around a campfire or something, uh, but this is actually already inside of you. Don't have to go learn Latin or memorize the periodic table to do this. It's already within you. So what we're trying to help people do is to relax into their authentic self, not learn a new.
Corey Allan (04:07.591)
dr glenn hill (04:32.302)
plan, a new idea is already inside of them. And that's the reason they married is because they wanted to connect authentically. They wanted to be able to be vulnerable and safe. They just don't know how to do that. And that's what we're all about is giving them the tools to do that. Well, for, you know, for so long, we thought it was all about the logistics. If we could, you know, what are the fights? Like what's, what is leading us to fight? And it's the things, you know, we kind of joke about it. I mean, comedians are great about talking about the toothpaste.
Corey Allan (04:57.329)
dr glenn hill (05:01.974)
you know, how you squeeze the toothpaste can create great fights. And so we, for many years, thought if we just get the logistics right, and we will then thrive. And we did work on a lot of things that did bring more peace to our marriage, but we would still have conflicts that would keep us separated, just disconnection for, you know, hours, days sometimes.
And for us, we had this moment that happened that we call the dishwasher story. It's in our book and on our master classes where one day we had a similar thing that had happened many times before. I came into the kitchen ready to fix dinner, thought I had to unload the dishwasher. I opened it. It was already unloaded. Glenn comes into the kitchen and I say, babe, thanks for unloading the dishwasher. And he responded in the similar way that he had done many times before. He said, well, that's not the only thing I did today.
And that response so often would lead to argument and fight. And she would logically go, I didn't say it was the only thing you did today. And he said, thanks for the dishwasher. I'd go, well, I don't understand why you have to make such a big deal about it. It's just so silly. Uh, and we'd be off to the races. Yeah. And that particular day, instead of just rolling my eyes and turning my back to him, I actually turned to him. It's like the curiosity came out of me. And I thought.
Corey Allan (06:06.478)
dr glenn hill (06:26.186)
I need to go deeper in this. And so for the first time, I said, what do you hear me say? What happens for you when I say thank you for them, loading the dishwasher? And sadly, it's the first time that I actually had that curiosity and went towards him instead of just rolling my eyes and turning away from him. And what he said back to me was for me, shocking. And it changed. And
I viewed him and just the amount of compassion that came over me was quite large actually. Yeah and you have to understand this is over 20 years into our relationship. So we had wounded each other, pick a number, you know thousands of times, some paper cuts, some deeper woundings.
Corey Allan (07:07.45)
dr glenn hill (07:18.342)
What we didn't realize is I happened to live with one of the most productive people on the planet. She's perpetual motion. She gets more done in an hour than most people do in a day. She happens to live with a guy who's not quite so productive. He's a lot of fun to have around, but he struggles with tasks. So what I experienced when she said, thanks for learning the dishwasher was that she was like announcing it to the universe or the internet or something like, Whoa, it's a miracle. Glenn did something useful for a change. You know, let's have a party, throw some confetti.
So my response was based on what I was experiencing and she had no idea. She's literally thinking, I just said the six words that I said, thanks for learning the dishwasher. She had no idea that was happening for me. So, and just for the record, I'm the educated one, Phyllis is the smart one. She's the one that actually figures things out that matter. And every benchmark in our relationship was from something that she did realize. And in that moment, and again, this is after more than two decades, but in that moment she was like, what the heck?
Corey Allan (07:54.803)
dr glenn hill (08:15.574)
You know, what we've been doing doesn't work for two decades. So, you know, let me try something different. And so she wanted to know what was happening with me, the message I heard. And then I told her that, well, you know, obviously you're trying to humiliate me, make fun of me and demean me that, you know, I'm not nearly as productive as you. I'm not as good as you, et cetera, et cetera. Well, she's just like stunned. Like, wait, what? She had no idea. This had nothing to do with Phyllis, even though it looked like it was all about Phyllis.
Corey Allan (08:18.246)
dr glenn hill (08:43.99)
This is just what was happening inside of Glenn. But I would also say Glenn's not trying to experience that. I wasn't trying to feel put down. I wasn't trying to feel shame in that. I just did. And that was a big turning point for us that led us to many years of trying to uncover what happens. But that was the beginning of a big, big shift in our relationship. Yeah, absolutely. The shift was realizing there's emotion under it. And that's where we were missing each other. It wasn't the logistic.
Corey Allan (08:54.607)
Corey Allan (09:11.908)
dr glenn hill (09:12.682)
of the dishwasher. It was the emotion under it. And so that was such a big turning point because anytime Glenn reacted in a way that didn't quite seem normal to me or it was confusing to me, instead of reacting to the situation, I began asking that same question, babe, what's happening with you? And vice versa. And then it was like we started to learn just the power of
that deep emotional connection. And emotion was not something that we were taught. It was almost like I grew up in a home where tasks were what were expected and what were praised. And so at a very young age, I learned there is no space here. There's no tolerance here for emotion. And then the only emotion I ever saw in my family of origin was my brothers who are all older than I.
Corey Allan (09:55.998)
dr glenn hill (10:09.346)
fighting. And so that to me was anger and that was emotion. And so that was no good. And so for me, I'm like, okay, I'm opting out. I really, I would say that so often to Glenn, I opt out. I don't do emotion. And I did not understand the science behind emotion. I did not understand that your brain houses emotion and that we were created that way and that it's the command center that we have to tune into.
Corey Allan (10:15.003)
Corey Allan (10:31.345)
dr glenn hill (10:37.766)
And you know, as we know now, the body keeps the score. So when you don't tune into your emotion and don't in a healthy way process them and communicate them, then your body is just simply storing them. And eventually your body goes, I'm tired of storing all of this emotion. And we have a lot of other issues with our bodies because we're not connecting and tuning into each other on that level. And so we're arguing and fighting over
Corey Allan (10:55.155)
dr glenn hill (11:07.114)
Logistics, we're defending ourselves so often, you know, like, well, I didn't, if, you know, if there's an argument of something that is said and done, it's like we jump in and try to defend. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't say that. I wasn't thinking that. And then the other person feels disregarded and never feels that we understand where they're coming from. We call it the court case. You can win the court case and lose the relationship.
Corey Allan (11:12.698)
dr glenn hill (11:33.158)
And what matters is relationship. Because in that situation with the dishwasher, Phyllis was correct that she did not say that I'm a loser and a failure and pathetic. She didn't say any of that. She didn't even think that, believe it or anything. So she could have proven in a court of law that she did not say that, didn't think it, didn't believe it, didn't feel it. And she would have won the court case, but she would have lost the relationship. And instead, in that moment, she thought, you know, the relationship is what matters.
Corey Allan (11:33.405)
Corey Allan (11:43.781)
dr glenn hill (11:59.614)
So a little after that, Phyllis made me quit working, which astonishes me. A woman tells her husband, you have to stop working. I was a contractor at the time. She made me go back to school, which I was delighted to do, I loved school. And that allowed me the freedom to start doing research because I knew that 24 hours before our wedding, we were excited about Happily Ever After. And 48 hours after our wedding, we were like, what the heck did we just do? We just signed a 70 year contract and we don't even know how long 70 years is. So.
I would, I was like, I have to figure this out. This doesn't make sense. There's no way that these very intelligent people, talented, gifted, and they're idiots. They're morons. So that they, something just got wrecked that they were so excited about. And of course, then we started seeing all around us, the same things happening for the vast majority of people around us. Nobody goes to their wedding thinking, yeah, this is going to really stink here in about six months, maybe two years. It's going to be blah and just awful. But I'm signing up. Uh, every wedding I've ever been to.
They're excited about, they found the love of their life. It's so beautiful, you know, once in a lifetime relationship. And then as we know, the vast majority of relationships deteriorate usually pretty quickly. So I just started doing research and I started with a blank sheet of paper. And I said, I want to watch these interactions and see where she loses him, where he loses her, where do they lose each other? They're not doing this on purpose. They're not doing it because, I mean, we have all these labels, you know, he's a narcissist, she's bipolar.
Corey Allan (13:22.273)
dr glenn hill (13:27.886)
I'm like, well, wait, that's the result. Let's find out what the cause is. And so we kept going backwards. Then I started discovering and researching a lot about emotion and realizing, okay, humans connect through emotion. And then realizing humans connect through core emotions. All emotions are derived from the core emotions. And then realize, again, this is step by step by step, but realizing, oh, this is just brain chemistry.
We don't vote on emotions. We don't opt. We don't plan our emotional day. Emotions actually happen to you. Uh, you're responsible for your next action. You're not responsible for, and people say all the time, they've been saying for centuries, you need to control your emotions. You can't control your emotions. There's no such thing. You can't control your behavior. I'm not allowed to go key your car because you said something where I felt hurt. I'm not allowed to burn your house down. That's my behavior, but I, I felt hurt. I did. And Dr. Corey said something. I felt hurt. I did.
Corey Allan (14:10.139)
dr glenn hill (14:22.41)
And you can tell me to not feel hurt. You can tell me to stop feeling hurt. You can tell me to shut up. But that does not change the pain experience that I had. So when I started realizing that I'm like, wait a minute, this is fundamental human condition. This is not optional. Uh, then I started bringing this information home to my wife who had built a phenomenal company and was running that, uh, and she said, I don't have time for that. Don't bother me. I'll listen to your rambling, but, uh, you know, that's not for me. I don't do emotions.
And she said many, many times, you have enough emotion for both of us. So I don't have to do emotion. And I eventually, she was a difficult case study, but I eventually convinced her that it wasn't true. Well, and one of the tools that we have that we love to share is what we call the core emotion wheel. And it all goes back because for many of us, it's like, okay, so you're saying it's emotion. It's not the logistics. So how in the heck do we not weaponize emotion? How do we communicate in a healthy way?
Corey Allan (15:17.245)
dr glenn hill (15:19.566)
And the core emotion wheel, it's a four minute exercise. So two minutes each. And for many of us, we can agree with, you know, the research that's now coming out all the time about emotion, but it still goes, okay, how can I do this in a reasonable amount of time? And that's where it all started for us because I'm like, I don't have time. Give me cliff notes. Whatever you do, it's gotta be fast for me. So the, the four minute tool is powerful in, in for yourself.
to tune in. So for me to ask myself what's happening with me and to look at all eight of the emotions. So we have a part of our brain, there's five regions. We break one of the pain region into three, which is sad, hurt and lonely because they fire so differently on a brain scan. And then the disgust region is guilt and shame and they look different as well and just personal interaction.
you get just eight core emotions. And what's beautiful about that is it works in any language because in any language, people understand the word fear and the word anger. And there's a few notes of there's secondary anger and primary anger. And so learning about each emotion is really helpful, but part of it is just starting the journey of being able to identify what is happening with you every day.
Corey Allan (16:23.249)
dr glenn hill (16:46.146)
This is an exercise we encourage all couples to do every day because four minutes, you've got it. You've got four minutes to connect on that really deep level. We so often, right, in married life, especially if you have children, simply do through logistics. Where are you going? Here's where I'm going. Here's where the kids need to go. But when you get to this one tool, you're really deeply diving into the day that you've had.
Corey Allan (16:46.355)
Corey Allan (16:50.953)
dr glenn hill (17:12.362)
and that is super powerful. So we wanna make sure before we run out of time today with you, Dr. Corey, that we have time to demonstrate this tool. So I don't know if this is the moment that you wanna dive into that.
Corey Allan (17:19.842)
Sure, go for it.
Corey Allan (17:25.534)
No, you've teed it up well, so yes.
dr glenn hill (17:27.882)
Yeah, and mention the download because yeah, we actually have a free download for your listeners, which also tells the rules and another video and instructions on how to use it. So simply go to connection codes dot co forward slash passionately married and you will get that free download. So yeah, that's awesome. I love that.
Corey Allan (17:48.925)
Perfect, and I'll have that in the show notes. So if you missed it, then you can come back to it.
dr glenn hill (17:55.318)
So baby, you want to go first? You want me to go first? So we'll just cover the eight core emotions. And I just mentioned the listeners response is simply what we call an ooh, it's just an audible response. There's no discussion, no debate, no defense, no nothing. She's just going to ooh me, even if she doesn't get what I'm saying, she's just going to be present with me. So let's see for me, uh, felt some hurt yesterday morning when we just kind of missed each other and I don't think you quite got what I was saying.
And that felt pretty painful. And then I got hit with loneliness, like, wait, she's not with me. She's not on board with me in this. And that was kind of tough for a few seconds there. Feel fear about the connection codes. You know, we're taking the world by storm. It's exciting. It's amazing. It's awesome, but it's a big task and there's a lot of humans on the planet. And we're trying to reach all 8 billion of them.
And I feel shame in that at times. I just have so many areas of incompetency. It's just so hard for me to just technology and there's so many things in society that I'm just behind and I'm old. So I'm glad we have a team around this because, but I get hit with guilt at times that I miss that stuff. And I feel so much guilt when I miss with you because you're my girl and we've been together a long time. I should be perfect at this. And I miss at times with you and I get hit with guilt that I can do this better.
I feel a lot of anger when people are not receptive and just finished a session with a couple of minutes ago that just this week, finally, after literally two years, they finally decided to become connection co-workers and get on board. I'm like, oh my gosh, that was two years of pain and difficulty because I want everybody to experience deep, deep connection and safety together.
Uh, sadness in that just, there's so much bad information out there. People, most of it's directed towards logistics and they just totally miss it. And tons and tons of joy that we're going away tomorrow to the beach. I love being with you. It's just amazing to do anything with you, but the beach is up the top of the list. Wow. Thank you. So for me, I think, um, Felt anger, um, the other day just
dr glenn hill (20:12.502)
with your mom and just the life with her and trying to always be there for her, but I don't know that she sees how much I do for her. So I feel anger in that, especially because I'm her daughter-in-law and none of your sisters are involved. So I did say that out loud, didn't I? Feel, yeah, I feel guilt when I mess with you. And I know I did yesterday, I just didn't even catch what you were trying to tell me.
So feel guilt in that. And I think those are probably shame moments for me too, because I know this is so important and I know that I just have to slow down with you and tune in better. So I do feel shame in that. Sad, I think just yesterday felt sad, with the, it was my nephew's birthday and he's not with us anymore. And just, those are hard days for my sister, hard days as a family, because we talk about him a lot.
I feel fear, I think fear for another niece of mine and what she's facing now as a single mom and just, you know, what lies ahead for her children and just the reality of that's really hard, really, really hard. Lonely, I think for me, I get hit with lonely when we get busy and we're trying to get out of town.
then I feel like it's kind of all up to me to do all the things that have to be done with the house before we leave. And with remembering all the things, you know, besides the suitcase, it's like all those other things. And so it feels so lonely in that. Ah, let's see. Is joy the only one I'm missing? Maybe. I think so. Tons of joy. Definitely. I'm getting to go to the beach with you. I've just been thinking about how fun it is when we walk the beach for hours.
Get in the water. So it's a big joy point. Definitely getting to do that with you. Love it. Thank you. So Dr. Corey. Yeah.
Corey Allan (22:14.909)
So walk me through this real quick of the eight. So that way if anybody's missed, what are the eight?
dr glenn hill (22:21.046)
Okay. Yeah, I mentioned the five regions of the brain. Again, this is just science. It's anger, fear, pleasure, disgust, and pain. And then we divide pain into hurt, sad, lonely. We divide disgust into guilt and shame. So anger, fear, guilt, hurt, lonely, sad, shame, and joy.
Corey Allan (22:27.367)
Corey Allan (22:40.139)
That was the one I missed. Okay.
Corey Allan (22:45.225)
Well, so frame it then for the people that are listening and watching. Is this something you guys have come up with that you recognize? There's there's just tremendous benefit of carving out the time to do this, because that's what creates the foundation repetitively of now. I kind of know where you are. And so it's an intentional. Hey, we haven't checked in. We haven't touched. We haven't done this connection yet today.
dr glenn hill (23:04.747)
dr glenn hill (23:10.582)
Right. Yeah. Well, and the other problem is that people's emotional muscle has atrophied so much they don't even recognize the core emotions. If you had said to me 30 years ago, Glenn, how much shame do you feel? I'd be like, none. I like, I'm great. I'm awesome. I was drowning in shame and I had no idea that this was strangling me every minute of every day. So now I recognize it. I'm literally able to process it in five seconds, 10 seconds, 15 seconds, which
Corey Allan (23:16.713)
Corey Allan (23:23.186)
Corey Allan (23:38.185)
dr glenn hill (23:40.374)
But that is the human condition. Research now tells us that humans don't experience an emotion for more than 19 seconds if it's not reactivated. That, again, we can talk for 45 minutes about that research, but that is phenomenal to think, wait, we're 19 seconds from changing the world. We're 19 seconds from helping these two who are lost from each other to find each other. 19 seconds, not a weekend retreat. It blows my mind. And it's actually quite true and accurate.
Corey Allan (23:53.362)
Corey Allan (23:57.494)
Corey Allan (24:05.628)
dr glenn hill (24:10.274)
when people get good at this. So we're just helping them to exercise their emotional muscles so that they become tuned in and then they're able, because that's what we do at birth. We just convey authentically all the time, three o'clock in the morning, we don't care. We're authentic, we're vulnerable all the time. Well, there's no birthday where that's supposed to change. That's the human condition, that's the human coding. That's how we're supposed to always operate. And just like in sharing the wheel just now, like I had a lot of sadness yesterday because
Corey Allan (24:20.937)
dr glenn hill (24:37.45)
my nephew passed away from cancer. And so when his birthday's come around, it's that day, right? It's the day. But if I don't share that with Glenn, then I may just be off all day. And if I don't even tune into that for myself, then I'm not even aware of why I'm off and irritable and may snap at him or be like, you know, he shared the hurt that he felt yesterday with me. Well, if I'm not in tune with what's happening with me, I'm
Corey Allan (24:41.705)
Corey Allan (24:50.013)
dr glenn hill (25:07.062)
then I'm kind of in a fog and then he thinks it's all him. And that's how an argument can start. And it's like, wow, we're arguing over something so trivial, but really there's so much else under it. And so a tool like this is just a place to start. It's where you can learn to tune into yourself, what is happening with me? And also communicate it without it feeling like, without it being a weapon. It's like, oh, we're just gonna start our day.
communicating like this, we're going to end our day communicating like this. And it is so powerful of a tool that also is incredible with your children. And as a family, you go, wow, now we really, because you know, your kids get off the bus and you're like, how was your day? Oh, great. Then, you know, but you, when you go, well, let's talk about this and you bring the wheel out all of a sudden, you hear the moments they were lonely and the moments they were sad and maybe hurt by what someone said, things that they might not.
get to in the sharing because we so often just talk about the logistics, you know, how hot it was or how crowded the bus was. And so we don't get down to what is really the core, which is what's firing in our brain. Yeah. And part of the power, Corey is that you said carve out the time connection code and say, we brush our teeth every day. We do the core emotion wheel every day. It takes four stinking minutes and you'll get it down to two and a half, three minutes total for two people. So we brush our teeth every day. You just brush your teeth.
I said that one time and a guy goes, you brush your teeth every day? And I'm like, Ooh, we have another discussion there. But anyway, it's just something you get in the habit of doing. And so now literally, I mean, the Texaco has spread over 60 nations now. So now there are people all over the world that that's just how they function. They brush their teeth every day. They do the core motion.
Corey Allan (26:35.084)
We need to meet via Zoom from here on out, right?
Corey Allan (26:50.025)
So what, because obviously that's one of those things that I think everybody, when they hear this, they're gonna immediately go, oh, I can totally see the profoundness and the power of this. But inevitably, our human condition also dictates, I don't always do the things I know that are good for me. I don't always do the things that I know will help my marriage, you know, because it's that idea of, well, no, I need them to lead it. I need this, I'm curious, what do you guys keep coming across that make it to where, like you alluded to, the...
the client that just finally after two years came on board. You know, what is what are the things that we so often just, yeah, you hear this all the time and then, yeah, it's just to add that to the list of here's why I'm I know it's good, but I'm not going to do it.
dr glenn hill (27:20.526)
Alright, yeah, yeah.
dr glenn hill (27:34.795)
Well, I love that you brought, because we were actually talking about this in the car just earlier after he saw this client, because I get it. I'm a struggler. Like I know that it's best if I walk every day outside, get fresh air. It's really like, I know that, but I struggle with making that happen where Glenn is the kind of guy he commits. He's five miles a day kind of guy. He never misses a day. So there are people who just take to something. But what I said to him about this.
is it saved my life, it saved our marriage. And it's a four minute tool. And once I saw that, because you know, fighting lasts hours sometimes. It dysregulates your nervous system sometimes for days. And so when you go, wait a minute, this is four minutes. Like you go, it's more important than anything I do today is to connect with you for four minutes because
The option, the other options that we go to in our relationships are so destructive. And you know, that's so much why people end up even in your office, you know, Dr. Corey, just because it's like you get to a place where you're like, I can't even, we're so wounded by each other. We got to get outside help. And it's kind of like, okay, guys, let's start this much earlier, even in teaching your children how to identify their emotion and how to communicate that.
Corey Allan (28:36.413)
dr glenn hill (28:59.126)
without it weaponizing and you go, wow, if we can teach this to our kids, then they're gonna be that next generation that actually are healthier than we ever have been. And we encourage people and people say, oh, I don't have time to do this. You don't have time to not do this. Phyllis and I wasted so much time. I mean, we're talking about hours, days, weeks, being disconnected. And the research says people are operating on an average about a 36% capacity, that's about a third.
And I don't believe in a hundred percent. Nobody's living a hundred percent all the time. But if we could get people up to 70, 75, 80, 85, 90% of their capacity, oh my goodness. Everything changes. And most couples we work with will double their income within about a year and a half. Because the power that I experience when I'm connected with this woman, I can do anything. I can achieve my goals. I can be successful. If I'm disconnected from her,
Corey Allan (29:35.396)
dr glenn hill (29:52.758)
just shoot me. I don't even care anymore. I'm overwhelmed. Literally it's 1 30 in the afternoon. I'm like, well, I've got nothing done today. And that's because I'm so consumed with the pain that I experienced with her. Not because I'm bad. I'm just human. That's what happens. It's the same. It's the equivalent of if I got stabbed in the gut with an ice pick, what am I going to focus on? Oh, the things I need to get done today. No, I'm not. And the brain doesn't distinguish physical pain from emotional pain. So if Dr. Corey stabs me in the gut with an ice pick and goes, okay, Glenn, get productive.
Corey Allan (29:55.43)
Corey Allan (30:14.642)
dr glenn hill (30:21.098)
Like, what do you mean get productive? You stabbed me in the stomach with an ice stick. He's like, oh, don't worry about that. Come on, be productive. I can't. I'm so overwhelmed with the pain, with the bleeding. And most people, certainly in their marriages and then their families and most of their relationships are bleeding out and we're expecting them to be productive and they're operating at about a third of what they're actually capable of.
Corey Allan (30:24.379)
Corey Allan (30:44.033)
Right, and so then you're talking about also the importance of people recognizing this is not only imperative for my relationship, it's imperative for myself because you just alluded to it as well, of the idea of how often do we actually step back and take stock of what's really going on with me? What do I really experience? Because my work has always been coming across the idea that anger is just a covering emotion. There's a whole lot more going on in there. So I like the way these are broken down to where...
dr glenn hill (30:52.886)
dr glenn hill (31:01.186)
dr glenn hill (31:07.732)
dr glenn hill (31:12.253)
Corey Allan (31:13.285)
I got to do some serious work to make it look at, okay, where am I lonely? Because that's the human condition too, right? There's loneliness built in there. If you've got a biblical worldview, Adam was lonely, right? That's pre-fall. So hello, that's gonna be something we all experience. But then fear, you know, all those components, I think are important to look at, how am I taking stock of me? Because I mean, I'm guilty of this too.
dr glenn hill (31:18.098)
dr glenn hill (31:24.558)
Corey Allan (31:40.741)
I spend an inordinate amount of time distracting myself from myself.
Corey Allan (31:51.785)
Did I get you back now? Okay.
dr glenn hill (31:52.918)
Yeah, I heard you say, I'm guilty of this too. And then you froze.
Corey Allan (31:57.265)
Oh, I spend, I spend an ignored amount of time distracting myself from myself. And so a lot of times I need the important moves of how do I become more aware of my presence because that's what's impacting those around me, particularly those I care about.
dr glenn hill (32:03.022)
dr glenn hill (32:14.894)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Absolutely. Wow. That's really good.
Corey Allan (32:19.469)
OK, so how do people find you? What let's kind of you mentioned it already on the link that will get you get you the information on the. The wheel.
dr glenn hill (32:27.838)
Yeah, absolutely. Well, and you know, the connection codes.co is our website. We have a book, we have master classes. We, you know, love for people to download the wheel for free and then get the, uh, the instructions of how to use it in the videos. There's other free videos. We have a podcast, lots of great free information out there that we, we want to share. And you know, this is such a big life changer for us. And we
want that. And it's the simple way to understand emotion. And of course, our master classes break it down tremendously and how to really kind of go deeper into all the things and all the tools and how to really be good listeners. That's a whole other topic. And then we so quickly want to fix the other. We want to defend ourselves. We want to explain ourselves. And so to learn,
to what we call the power of the ooh, it's just be an audible listener. And that works incredibly with your spouse, with your children, with your friends, your coworkers. And it's like, wow, that's a pretty simple thing to learn. But most of us were never taught that. And so we miss that. And the power of all of this, especially for faith-based, is to realize God created us this way. I always love to think of it as it's His text messages to us.
is these emotions and we need to be tuning in and we can swipe, we can just delete, but if we tune in, it's the way God created our bodies to be and that's how we clear out our limbic system. We're healthier, we're happier, we're more at peace, we love better, all those things when we are able to tune in to what is happening with us.
Corey Allan (34:15.176)
That's so good. Well, thank you guys so much for the work and just the backing of it. I'm in favor of what is in line with who we are and how we're made, because there's no sense trying to go against the operating system. That just creates all kinds of other issues. So this has been fun. So thank you so much, guys.
dr glenn hill (34:34.294)
dr glenn hill (34:37.815)
dr glenn hill (34:41.116)
Absolutely. Thanks for having us.
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