Speaker 1: You are listening to the regular version of Sexy Marriage Radio, passionatelymarried.net.

Corey Allan: Welcome back to another episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, where you got something you wanted to say [crosstalk 00:00:16]

Pam Allan: I just raised my hand like I had a question or something and I don't why I did that.

Corey Allan: What's your question, Pam?

Pam Allan: No question. How are you today?

Corey Allan: Let's get rolling because we got a lot to do. At least one of the emails is a lengthy one today.

Pam Allan: Okay, let's roll.

Corey Allan: And it might need quite a bit of time to unpack.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: But we also got a few others in the queue, if we get there. If not, you know what? They get added to the queue, just like we ask everybody each and every week to add their questions or their thoughts or their comments to the conversation. And the way they can do that is 214-702-9565 is our email, or our voicemail line. The email line, those are two separate things, it's feedback@sexymarriageradio.com, where what's on your mind? The nation lets us know, that sets where we go. And then there's also our platform that's had some really good conversations happening at my.passionatelymarried.net. It's free to join. There's some conversations happening that people put out there, from the shows, but also just from what's going on in their life, because there's a pretty spectacular community that's formed that's part of the nation and that helps each other each and every week. Just like we try to do here with the episodes.

Pam Allan: Yeah. Speaking truth and support and all kinds of stuff.

Corey Allan: And so the last thing we ask of the nation is help us spread the word. Jump on iTunes, write and review, leave a comment, please. That helps spread the word and some social proof, if you will.

Pam Allan: There you go.

Corey Allan: Of what Sexy Marriage Radio can do. And any other platforms you use, leave comments, leave reviews, help us continually share the idea that married sex is the hotbed for sex.

Corey Allan: Well, coming up on today's regular free version of Sexy Marriage Radio, like I mentioned in the open, is a couple emails possibly, but I love one of them because I think it captures a ton of seasons that people have in their marriage, or maybe the entirety of the marriages, which is this idea of what do you do when one spouse is fine with being fine.

Pam Allan: Mm. Yeah.

Corey Allan: And then on the extended content today, which is deeper, longer, there are no ads there as well and you can subscribe at passionatelymarried.net/smracademy, we're going to do a deep dive into the idea of how do we be more efficient with our time. So a little coffee shop conversation. So you and I are going to head to a coffee shop.

Pam Allan: Good. I need a refill.

Corey Allan: And have a conversation about time.

Pam Allan: I need a refill. That sounds good.

Corey Allan: All that's coming up on today's show. So this is an email. It's a little lengthy.

Pam Allan: Okay. I'm ready.

Corey Allan: Just sit back and get your note taking pen ready to go.

Pam Allan: It's ready. It's ready.

Corey Allan: "So my wife and I have been married for 11 and a half years. We've been together for 15. We discovered last summer that we started seeing a therapist and we've uncovered some family of origin issues, her counter-dependency, my nice guide tendencies, and our ability or lack of ability to have conflict and communication successes, I guess you could say, my failure to lead or be the man, her desire for absolute control and my acquiescence."

Corey Allan: So they've discovered a lot over the last few years.

Corey Allan: "We have two amazing daughters and both are extremely successful professionally. Superficially we have everything anyone could reasonably want. I'm in very good shape and I find her to be incredibly sexy. I try to flirt with her, but she completely rejects all forms of my flirtation, nor can she talk to me about what would be more accepting to her? She tells me I'm an objectively attractive and handsome, but she feels nothing towards me in that way. She is a boss at work and really embraces that and rarely gets out of her masculine at home too.

Corey Allan: "I think my previous actions of yielding have really dampened anything between us. My wife has told me she has zero attraction to me and does not know to have a physical relationship with me. She tells me that she's felt this way for a long, long time. And now I've realized that not only has she felt like this for a long time, but she's sort of resigned herself to this as well. 'Well, like this is my life now,' is kind of her thought and I've never pushed on this issue to say, 'Honey, what's wrong? Let's talk about this,' at all.

Corey Allan: "She hearkens back to our earlier time in the relationship, i.e. the honeymoon, and she said she recalls us just kind of hanging out and not having really any spark for her. I told her that I felt that we had the honeymoon phase of our time together before we got married and that we sadly have not progressed at all as a couple since then. She says she wants to want to have one, but she doesn't know how. She says she's fine with being fine. I never understood previously why she rejected my advances for sex, but I would never pout about it, but I never pressed the issue and tried to talk to her about it until recently.

Corey Allan: "Our therapist once told us that I have married my type and she has married her anti-type. He explained that she married someone unconsciously that will give her the power she wants and the support she needs to be successful in her career, but through those qualities, it completely represses or works against any desire for me. As we've said before on the show, intimacy is knowing and being known. That resonated with me and I think somewhere along the way we've lost our curiosity about each other, and she in particular thinks she knows how I would respond everything or how I would think about something.

Corey Allan: "So any suggestions on how to increase the curiousness between us? I try to be very supportive and be a very present father. She tells me I'm excellent at both, but doesn't have the spark or passion or inclination. She does not want me to touch her in any way. And when I've tried to discuss ways to negotiate ways to find a win-win, she says, 'There's no way for her to currently get there mentally and doesn't think she'll ever get to where you want me to be.' She doesn't think there's a path forward and she has zero hope.

Corey Allan: "Have you encountered a situation like this? I'm desperate to have a connection with my wife, but I don't know how to negotiate desire. Every day I learn a little more about her and us. And I know one of my main challenges is that I'm not clear with my verbal communication. I struggle with trusting myself to communicate with her clearly, respectfully, and kindly. I find it when I try to be kind I'm vague, and when I'm direct, I sound unkind. Neither of us want to leave. We really get along well, but she feels zero chemistry. She's scared and feels hopeless and guilty about not talking about this many years ago. However, I'm concerned that once our girls are older, that she will and she's worried that there will no way to continue to live in a transactional, non-sexual relationship. I know that I have a lot of anger and fear related to the past decade or so coming to the surface, but I'm now fully realizing why our marriage is not as good as it can be or should be. Please help."

Corey Allan: So there is a lot in here.

Pam Allan: Yeah, there is.

Corey Allan: And they are both in really tough spots. I mean, the relationship is, but they both individually are as well. And I understand how scary that can be, because there's a lot happening here.

Pam Allan: What are the first bullet points that you're seeing, that if they're sitting in your office based off what you hear from him, you're not hearing her side. You're hearing his side here.

Corey Allan: Right. Well, he's disclosing his map of her side though, pretty well, on the different phrases, the different hopelessness, thought process, the different, it's just not there, it's lost. I'm just resigning myself. I mean, I think there are seasons, if not, entireties like we mentioned in the open where people, one spouse typically can get into the, "I'm fine with being fine." And so the first point that jumps out to me, and this is something I don't know if we've really unpacked, because it's a scary thing and it's hard to do when you don't are both sides of the equation, but there is a distinct likelihood that one person is more committed to the relationship than the other.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Right? That one person cares more about the marriage than the other, or one person cares more about the aspect of a marriage than the other, which that's what's being stated here.

Pam Allan: Well, isn't that high desire-low desire? We say in any kind of aspect of your relationship?

Corey Allan: It is, but the lower desire framework assumes there is an interest in it. And what it sounds like he's facing is she doesn't have an interest in it even. She's just resigned herself to the fact that, "Yeah, this is just what it is." So it's almost more of a tolerating of it rather than an interest in it.

Pam Allan: Although he did say in there that she says she wants to want.

Corey Allan: Right. Which then begs the question. If somebody says they to want something, what are they doing to follow that possibility?

Pam Allan: To follow it up.

Corey Allan: To explore it, to see. Because this is that thing where far too often in marriage, we get caught up in this best intentions, "I hope it'll pawn off, I can pawn that off, and not really have to follow through." I don't think that's a conscious thing a lot of times because there is this true, "Yeah, I really want to figure that out, but I don't have the impetus behind it to really do it."

Pam Allan: It'd be nice if it magically just appeared and all of a sudden happened.

Corey Allan: If there was an episode of Sexy Marriage Radio that solved the problem for you, that would be fantastic.

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: And yes, that would, but it doesn't happen that way. There's no book out there that'll do it. So it's this idea of how do you recognize, in this scenario, how do they each recognize and more specifically him, how does he recognize what is actually being presented? What is the data? She says she wants to want to, but is she doing anything about it? That's one of your conversation points to go after.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: And it's going to feel attacking and it's going to feel blunt, but it's also possibly more based on truth.

Pam Allan: Well, and maybe I'm diverting you before you want to be diverted here, but I'm hearing it as that's the truth. He's concerned about his communication is that either, "I'm too vague or I'm unkind if I'm being truthful. I'm not good at using my words."

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: But he also said in the beginning, they're finding out he's the nice guy.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: Right. And she's not attracted to him and maybe it's because it's the nice guy thing. Right? Stop worrying.

Corey Allan: They all fit together.

Pam Allan: Stop worrying about whether I'm being too vague or if I'm going to offend her in the way I come at her with my desires. I mean, is there a point to this where maybe if I stop being the nice guy, it becomes more attractive.

Corey Allan: Absolutely. I mean, some of this is, what I hear a lot is this idea of it's two captains married to each other. And so sometimes the nice guy has to learn, because he can be a good captain in other areas of his life, but he's not so good in his marriage. And so he comes home and he acquiesces too much. That's one of the things he mentioned in the email. So then it's figuring out how do you outcaptain a captain?

Pam Allan: Hmm.

Corey Allan: And it's not a power play in the sense of, "I take power from them." It's, "I claim power alongside them."

Pam Allan: Yeah. You don't want this to become a fighting match.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: You're both on the same team, but we're going to have to have two captains here. We're going to have to do this together.

Corey Allan: Right. Or this is that I enhance my presence alongside them, that's based on some confidence, it's based on some power, it's based on some bravado even, of, "I want what I want and I'm not ashamed of that. I'm willing to put it out there. Even if I don't get it, I'm willing to let it be felt and seen." And over time, that's the better likelihood of if it's going to produce something in a spouse, over time that's the best route I know to make that happen. But it's also the riskiest because there's still the chance it won't.

Corey Allan: And then you're faced with, how do I make a decision accordingly? Because too often we get caught in this, and this is the struggle with the, "I'm fine with being fine." I put that as a blanket indictment on the entirety of the relationship rather than, wait, that doesn't mean it stays this way forever. We go through seasons.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Right. When we have little ones, that's a true season of marriage where there's elements of if you like doing a lot of things outside of the house during an infant newborn time, it's joy sucking, because you're not outside.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: You're constantly responsible for a newborn, but you also know that's a season. They will evolve and your relationship will evolve and it'll change. And so it's seeing it as, "Okay, the stage I'm in now, how do I address that? I'll deal with the entirety when I need to. I'll deal," when the girls are older, like he's describing of the fears they've got, "I'll deal with that. I'll cross that bridge when I have to. I don't need to get ahead of the game in that."

Pam Allan: Yeah. We don't need to borrow trouble on that.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: So how do I just look at this from the sense of, if he's got this map of her, how does he confront the map he has, not the one he wish he had?

Pam Allan: Hmm.

Corey Allan: That's another way of saying, "How do I confront the spouse I have, not the one I wish they were?" Because too often we come at these things from the deficit model.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: "If you would only." That's what's missing. Rather than, "What's present?"

Pam Allan: What is present?

Corey Allan: How are you addressing that? Because one of the bigger shifts that sometimes nice guys, and just in general people need to do, is we're constantly trying to massage our spouse into a form or a shape or an identity I wish they would be. Well, that typically is at the expense of what they are. So it's this idea of, "Okay, I'm trying to get you to change something." Rather than, "Who are you quintessentially?"

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: What's the uniqueness in there. And this is where you can start to look at the polarities and the power that each of you bring. What is it about her that is enticing and draws you in? Whether she confirms it or not, you still believe it. Then it exists. He makes the comment about flirting. "I try to flirt and she completely rejects it." Okay. Well what data do you get in her rejections? Because she's not giving you data of, "Here's how I would prefer you flirt with me."

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: Because most people really can't do that anyway. Think about that. How would you like for me to flirt with you, Pam? I mean, you'd be like, "I don't know."

Pam Allan: Right, right.

Corey Allan: Because that's-

Pam Allan: Well, a year ago you did this, and that was kind of cool on that day.

Corey Allan: Right. And so I'll try the exact same thing and it won't land.

Pam Allan: It gets kind of old, right?

Corey Allan: So it's recognizing, "I need to look at the whole concept of the interchange between us, of what data do I glean from it? Okay, that didn't land. Okay, either there was something in my delivery, it wasn't genuine, my timing was poor, situational awareness was bad," because I could have a really good line delivered at the wrong time and it's gone.

Pam Allan: Yeah, totally gone.

Corey Allan: It doesn't matter at all.

Pam Allan: You can't use it again because then it's a trigger for your bad timing before.

Corey Allan: It could be. But when I can bring it to bear of its part of who I am and the way I'm operating, that's the dealing with the captaining idea. That's the, "I know who I am and I'm letting that be known." And so she can reject it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still gain a little bit of ground for you. It just doesn't create, it doesn't tip the scales yet. Because a lot of times I think if we're talking about this little tricky thing of how do I create a spark in somebody, there's little I can actually do other than be something that's solid enough and consistent enough to see if that does draw her in.

Pam Allan: Yeah. You can't, you're not going to change anything in her. It's got to be you changing you, and, "Do I want to change and be the person that she's going to be attracted to?"

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: But I mean that's a whole nother set of questions right there. But based on what he was saying, based off of how he was feeling like he was in essence trying to figure out the right words, make her happy, then he is not being him.

Corey Allan: He's trying to crack the code.

Pam Allan: He's trying to crack her code when he just needs to be comfortable in his own skin and say, "Here's who I am. And here's the man I want to be."

Corey Allan: Right. If you think of this like on a continuum, there's two things going on at once. One is this idea of, "I'm trying to just be who I am. I want to let that lead and be a majority of the scale." But the other part of the scale is made up by, "I'm taking influence and I'm reading feedback, but I can't go," nice guys put it, they flip it. It's all based on feedback. "Oh, you didn't like that, so therefore I will totally adjust and be a chameleon and won't bring that up ever again. Or I'll be careful in how I say this." Or rather than, "Wait, hold on." There's times where that's tactful. But other times where it's like, "No, I need to continually show up in my own life with you." And then take the feedback of, I mean, I love the phrase, well, I'll say something to you and it doesn't land, and I'll just kind of play it off with, "Oh, swing and a miss."

Pam Allan: Yeah. Just a bit outside.

Corey Allan: And it's just kind of, those are all meaningful things from movies and different things that we have as a banter.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: That's kind of the fun and laughter part of our relationship that it helps kind of still enhance a connection. Even though the maybe sexualized thing I said didn't.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: But it still kept a bond.

Pam Allan: And granted we laugh about those things now. Early on in marriage, those aren't things we laughed about. We didn't know how to laugh. We didn't know how to react differently. We can transition.

Corey Allan: Well, and it's also because I'm able, we are both better able to laugh at ourselves. Not just at situations that go on. But I want to pivot back to what we set up earlier.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Because I think this is worth unpacking.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: And this is that idea of how do we face the fact that there can be times in marriages, or the entirety of, where one partner cares more about it than the other? How do you face the reality of that? Because this comes back to some of the things we've said just in the recent past that I've gotten some good emails or feedback from some of the guys in mastermind groups about.

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: Was the idea of we have to come to the reality that our spouse maybe didn't get married because it affords them availability of sex regularly. They got married because it affords them other things. Their motivation isn't because, "Oh, I can have a whole lot of sex now."

Pam Allan: No. It's security or a partner.

Corey Allan: Right. So this is in the same vein as that, which is this idea of, What do I do when I know my partner doesn't care about the marriage like I do?" Because I can see that as a dire thing. That it's all is lost.

Pam Allan: Yeah. And I guess, "They don't care as much as I do, but does that mean they don't care at all?"

Corey Allan: That's a big distinction. Or what it is that keeps them showing up every day is different than what keeps me showing up every day. But if I can regulate myself and calm myself down a little bit, I'll be able to ask myself better questions to see what are the overlaps that we do care about the same thing. Parenting is one in this email. The household, what they've created. The other aspects of the companionate part of their relationship sounds like, that they get along pretty well in some of those areas. It's just that lovers area that's the struggle. And too often when I overreact, because I see it as dire, because she doesn't care about this the way I do, I never then take a good, solid stance to ask the better questions about myself and the relationship dynamic, which would be, "How do I face what's present without overreacting to it?"

Pam Allan: Okay. So let me back up a second, because I feel like what we're saying here, or specifically what you said here, is a little incongruent with what we say on the show. Right?

Corey Allan: Okay.

Pam Allan: In that everything else is great, except this lover's portion. It's not just one.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: It's not in a vacuum.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: Right?

Corey Allan: You're right.

Pam Allan: There's other things that aren't right outside of just us being lovers.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: So am I missing something on the point there?

Corey Allan: No, you're not. That's the way we can parse it out some.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Because we do talk about, "Hey, everything's great. But our sex life isn't, so we have great marriage." No you don't. But-

Pam Allan: There's something else there that leads into to the lover side.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: Of things.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: Yeah, okay.

Corey Allan: So this is just the distinction of yeah, you can have other areas of your marriage that are good, even great, but an area that's not, just don't put that as a label of, "We have a great marriage." There's the difference. And here though is recognizing, okay, how do you face the fact that if your partner doesn't want or care about the relationship in the manner you do, that's what's present.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: So how do you face that? Because you know she feels it. He's describing, she feels it because he's got a pretty accurate map, I would bet, of this, because they've had the conversations about it. But what he's done is he's tried to solve her problem.

Pam Allan: Does she see it as a problem?

Corey Allan: That's a big question for herself.

Pam Allan: He's seeing it as a problem for her. But does she?

Corey Allan: Because what you inevitably face is, "I'm in a relationship where sex is an expectation." This kind of goes with it, when you say I do, that kind of comes along with it. "But yet I don't want to do anything about it, but yet I don't want to be the bad guy if it doesn't last." Well, then that's a dilemma. So what is she doing about that? What's he doing about that?

Pam Allan: Well, they're going to a counselor, and they're seeing more about family of origin. They're seeing more about who kind of how each of them operates.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: Right? What's their system?

Corey Allan: Right. Which is good. And when the therapist is describing the type and the anti type, I'm not familiar with that framework. I've not heard that before.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: So I'm not sure where I'm going to speak on that because I would be speculating.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: But I think he's onto it in the sense that the nice guy has wreaked a lot of havoc in his marriage because he he's been supportive, but he hasn't been the person alongside that also is present and engaging and wanting what he wants, where she has to kind of succumb to some of what he wants to.

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: And that's speculation, I don't know if that's true, but I don't know if he's leading in that way in the sense of, "No, no, this is what I want to do." "I don't want to." And you risk a fight and a lot of times us pleasers or nice guys we'll back down from that. Because I just don't want to disappoint. I don't want to frustrate.

Pam Allan: But you know what? It's okay to disappoint. It's okay to frustrate once in a while.

Corey Allan: Absolutely. If you're living a bigger story, this is one of the things I learned in our marriage., and if I'm living and calling you to being a part of a bigger story and it doesn't line up with what it is you had as an expectation or a moment and I risk the possibility it could piss you off by bringing that forward? I finally discovered, you know what? There are times when piss I you off that actually can turn you on.

Pam Allan: Absolutely.

Corey Allan: Not in that same moment, but it's because over the long haul, it's like, "Okay, I know who I am and I know who I'm trying to be more."

Pam Allan: And you've got a life outside of me.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: I want you to have a life outside of me.

Corey Allan: Right. And so this is some of the things I'm hearing from him on the idea of you have to face what's present better and ask the better questions to truly bring about the more difficult conversations. That's your path forward.

Pam Allan: Well, bring about the more difficult conversations. You say that, and I agree. Interesting though, because one of the things in part of his email is it sound like they talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, right? It sounds like there are a lot of conversations.

Corey Allan: Okay. I'm going to interrupt you though.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Because I think they talk, talk, talk, talk around the issue.

Pam Allan: Well, exactly. It sounded like there was talking and he's just tentative in everything he says.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: So how do you get past that to not have the conversations the way they've historically been having them?

Corey Allan: Right. Well, so some of this becomes, and if you're new to Sexy Marriage Radio, go back and listen to several episodes. I don't have specific ones to tell you, but listen to the theme in which we propose, because we are pro-marriage. But one of the things you start to recognize with this statement is it can land weird, if you don't know our message in general.

Pam Allan: Yeah. Okay.

Corey Allan: But one of the things I think you do is you start living a life, this is for him, you start living a life that's like, "You know what? I'm going to start living a life that's going to have a marriage that has great sex in it. I hope my wife is the one I get to have this with. But that's where I'm heading. And I'm going to go straight into a critical mass, decisions have to be made, not that I'm jumping way ahead to that point, but I'm going to start living that way. Living as if. What would be something I would think would be appealing? What would be something I would think would be drawing her in?" And I live that. Then that's what creates the bigger, difficult conversations. Because it's like, "You know what? I'm happy with me. You apparently aren't." We got a dilemma coming.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: Because that's the kind of pressure that really makes us no longer pawn each other off with intentions. I really start figuring out, "What do I want to do? Who am I? Is this really going to fit? Is this really going to work?" Then I got to make decisions accordingly. And that's scary to say on a podcast.

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: But it's also the way we live life in a lot of ways, if you think about it anyway. "I got this career path I want to do and I know it's going to cost to my family, but I'm still going to do it." Well, if I'm more upfront about that, I'm giving everybody the opportunity to really choose, but I have to choose too.

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: And that's scary.

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: But none of this kind of stuff, if I'm going to face a dilemma of fine with being fine, that's scary for both sides, because you can see it, and part of the reason we don't is because we see down the road of what it could lead to if I do.

Pam Allan: Well, sure. She's fine with being fine. And maybe she totally isn't but that's a super scary proposition for him because he doesn't want to stay where they are today.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: And that's frightening.

Corey Allan: Absolutely.

Pam Allan: So either way, you've got a frightening prospect ahead of you.

Corey Allan: You do, but deal with what's present, not with what's missing, to then ask your better questions and see where that gets you.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Speaker 4: Hi, I'm listening to the episode about the woman with insomnia and I like most of your answer, but I feel like you just completely misread the part about her wanting to make a move on her husband but freezing up. You read it as she was doing it as a power play, but it sounded very much like she was saying she was afraid to do it because he would like it so much he would expect her to continue to do it and it would put a pressure on her to feel like she needed to continue to do that and she wasn't sure she could. So I feel like you might want to revisit that because I think you went in a direction that she wasn't intending at all. Okay. Thanks.

Corey Allan: I love when we get the feedback of, "You know what? We might have missed it."

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: And maybe that is something that's the proverbial, "Yeah, but if I give it to you, if I do what you want, then you're going to want it all the time."

Pam Allan: And I'm not sure I'm up for that.

Corey Allan: What am I signing myself up for?

Pam Allan: That's real.

Corey Allan: That's like the volunteer. "Hey, we need you to volunteer." "For how long?" "Well, till the Lord comes back." I don't know if I want to go that long." So, yeah, that could be accurate. But again, based on what we've been talking about all the way through, particularly during the extended content, how do I claim the time still? How do I claim the stance? How do I claim the presence of can I do something knowing I'm not signing myself up for something forever? But I also can't ever escape the pressure that's inherent in a marriage.

Corey Allan: Well, this been Sexy Marriage Radio. If we left something undone, be like the caller. Let us know 214-702-9565, or feedback at sexy marriageradio.com. We'll see you next time.