Helping When Help Is Not Wanted

Relationship Design

The scene is a couple driving in the car on the way to dinner: Silence for several minutes. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” A few more minutes of silence passed, “I know something is wrong. What’s going on?” “Nothing! Jeez, what am I doing?” “That’s just it! You’re...

Every Day, Take Action

Relationship Design, Simplicity

Marriage isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. But what do you do when married life hands you a load of junk? Start with a deep breath … own your own junk, then find a suitable sized box to pack up the rest. Married life isn’t always sunny Last...

This Is Water

Simplicity

Have you heard the commencement speech given several years ago by novelist David Foster Wallace to Kenyon College? There’s a great Youtube video that uses excerpts from it, called This is Water. It is a brilliant speech that encourages us all to stop presuming we know...

How To Keep Arguments From Escalating

Communication, Relationship Design

Remember what it was like as a teenager dreaming about driving? How much you looked forward to the day you’d have your own wheels and could head out whenever you wanted? While learning to drive, one important lesson you must learn is how to stop the car....

Focus on the how not the what

Relationship Design

What is it that creates the intensity in certain conversations with your spouse? What moves a conversation between two people from the issue at hand into personal meltdown? Emotional reactivity. But this isn’t all bad, emotional reactivity also turns out to be...